I4L, Tips to Greatness: Navigating Life with Insightful Information (T2G Series)
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I4L, Tips to Greatness: Navigating Life with Insightful Information (T2G Series)
Men Aren’t Approaching, Women Are Noticing...Now What?
Connecting in today’s social climate can feel like navigating a minefield, especially for those trying to understand the complexities of modern dating. We explore the struggles that accompany traditional approaches to romance as societal norms shift dramatically. The focus centers on men who now find themselves apprehensive to initiate conversations or express interest, fearing miscommunication might lead to being unfairly labeled. Empowering discussions dissect the concept of public shame, addressing how social media amplifies fears of invalidation in dating contexts.
Listeners are invited to reflect on the real-life implications of these shifts and consider how fear affects both men's and women's willingness to connect. What does it mean when the desire for genuine connection is overshadowed by anxiety? We also unpack the psychological frameworks that contribute to these dynamics, particularly the compelling insights offered by Spiral Dynamics, helping listeners understand the deeper layers of interaction.
This episode encourages an open dialogue, pushing against the boundaries that keep people disconnected. It’s an invitation to rethink the ways we engage with one another and take steps toward a more empathetic and understanding approach to relationships. Join us for an insightful exploration that aims to rekindle the essence of human connection beyond the barriers of judgment and fear. Share your experiences and engage in this vital conversation!
Imagine, if you will. You're at the gym, focused on your workout, when a random guy walks by and calls you easy, not in a playful way, but in a way that immediately makes your stomach drop. Immediately makes your stomach drop. You weren't doing anything suggestive, but now you feel exposed, like someone just decided who you are without knowing a thing about you. Or imagine you're giving a presentation at work. You've put in the effort, you know your material and you're proud of what you prepared, but instead of engaging with your ideas, someone dismisses you with you're probably just here because of how you look, no matter what you say. After that, the label sticks. Now imagine that happening over and over again. Imagine that every time you introduce yourself, asked a question or just existed near the wrong person at the wrong time, you risked being publicly shamed. How long before you just stopped trying. How long before you decided it wasn't worth the effort.
Speaker 1:That's what it feels like for a man to be called a creep. It's not just rejection, it's character assassination. For decades, men were expected to approach, take risks and put themselves out there. And yeah, for a long time, society rewarded them for that. But today the rules have changed. One misread signal, one awkward interaction, and they can be mocked, filmed or accused of making someone feel uncomfortable, even if they did nothing wrong. Suddenly you're a meme, a punchline, a cautionary tale. Social media is full of women ridiculing men for simply saying hello, calling them desperate, weird or even predatory. Others outright declare that they don't want anything to do with men at all. The message is loud and clear Don't talk to us, don't look at us, don't even think about approaching us unless you're someone we already find attractive. And so men adapt, they stop approaching, they assume rejection before they even try. They choose not to play a game where the rules keep changing, where the cost of failure is public humiliation. And now women are starting to notice. Because what happens when the attention that's always been there isn't? What happens when good men stop trying, not because they don't want connection, but because they've learned that even a respectful attempt can get them labeled as a problem?
Speaker 1:Now flip it again. Imagine you're single and looking, but no one ever approaches you, ever. The men who do glance your way quickly avert their eyes, they don't start conversations, they don't flirt, they don't even give you a chance to reject them. You wonder is there something wrong with me? But no, turns out, a lot of these guys aren't approaching anyone, not because they don't want to, but because they've been taught that it's not worth the risk. This is where we are today.
Speaker 1:Most men don't fear rejection. We've learned from puberty that rejection is a part of life. What they fear is being misjudged. They fear that a normal, respectful attempt at conversation could get them labeled as a creep and in a world where that label can ruin a reputation, career or social standing, they've decided it's safer to say nothing at all. They've decided it's safer to say nothing at all. So if you're wondering why men aren't approaching, it's not because they've lost interest. It's because they've learned that even a polite attempt can be turned into a punchline, a TikTok video or an accusation. But here's the bigger question has the damage already been done?
Speaker 1:The truth is there are rational, critically thinking men and women who see this problem, people who actually want to bridge the gap, who see the disconnect, feel the loss of real connection and genuinely want to bring back a world where men and women aren't looked at in this weird, self-perpetuating standoff, but as a whole. Men as a group are adjusting Fast, mind-bogglingly fast, certainly faster than women as a group are. They're evolving past the idea that they should approach at all. They're watching women who have spent their entire lives accustomed to attention suddenly finding it withdrawn. Instead of both sides asking how did we get here, there's just frustration Because, let's be honest, this isn't just about women rejecting men. It's also about how men have enabled, lied to and pedestalized behaviors that have nothing to do with real connection. It's about how people, instead of reflecting, are digging in deeper, retreating into their tribes and reinforcing the idea that the other side is the problem. And that's the real tragedy, because this isn't just a shift in dating culture. Real tragedy Because this isn't just a shift in dating culture, it's full-blown tribalism. One group declared all men are creeps. Another declares all women are delusional. And instead of anyone stepping back and seeing the bigger picture, they just keep feeding into the cycle the my truth versus reality problem.
Speaker 1:A huge part of this mess comes from people mistaking their truth for the truth. Yes, your personal experiences shape how you see the world, but they don't define reality. Just because a woman feels like every man who approaches her is creepy doesn't mean all men are creeps. Just because a man feels like every woman is cold and rejecting doesn't mean all men are creeps. Just because a man feels like every woman is cold and rejecting doesn't mean all women are like that. When we start prioritizing feelings over objective reality, we lose the ability to actually fix things, because reality doesn't care about anyone's personal truth. It only responds to actions and consequences. And right now the consequences of this standoff is that both sides are becoming more bitter, more resentful and more disconnected than ever. And if we don't step back and start looking at patterns, this only gets worse from here. The personal side. Why this is more than just theory.
Speaker 1:I don't say any of this as some detached observer. I say this as someone who's lived through it. I've gone through my own red pill rage phase. I've had moments where I was bitter, where I blamed women, where I let my frustration override my ability to see the full picture. But I also know my own experience is not the universal truth. I wasn't raised in a normal household, at least not by today's standards. My parents weren't like most. They gave me perspectives most people don't get, and yet even they who did their absolute best, have regrets. And I've had my own regrets too.
Speaker 1:I've been with a woman who told me I could be fully honest with her that I didn't have to explain myself, that I could just be, and then used every bit of that against me. And I still can't be angry with her, because I see how broken she is. I see how she's just another lost human being, trying to swim ahead of the tide. I see how her self-protective instincts the ones that turned her into the person she is are the result of being hurt again and again. And that's the real kicker, isn't it? She wasn't born that way, she didn't have to be that way, but she woke up every single day and chose it.
Speaker 1:And I can't save someone from themselves. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much knowledge I have, no matter how much education I have, no matter how much I love someone, no matter how much time I have, no matter how much I can put my effort into someone else, I can't save them from themselves. And you don't have to believe me, but if you looked back at my Facebook page, you would know I tried. So here's the part where people get mad. Look, I already know what some people will say about this. This is just men being fragile. This is just women not wanting to lower their standards. If you can't handle rejection, stay single. Women don't owe men anything. Men don't owe women anything, and you know what? I just don't care, because the people who get angry in this conversation don't want to fix anything. They need the gender war, they need to blame the other side and they have to live with themselves.
Speaker 1:But for those of us who actually want connection, understanding and something real, we step back, we look at the patterns, we acknowledge our own contributions to the mess and then we rise above it. The yellow level takeaway. The only way out is through. Look, I've talked about spiral dynamics before. I've written a bunch of podcast episodes that I have not recorded, and so I'm not sure off the top of my head if I did record any episodes about spiral dynamics, but it is a brilliant framework and way to look at the world and people's evolution and where they are at, and figure out where they are and how to communicate to them and with them on that level. For example, I really do love tapping into the red side of myself, say, if I'm with a woman who's a body builder or something like that, or if I'm training in martial arts Muay Thai, krav Maga Sistema, anything like that. I do love tapping into that side of myself. It speaks to that, probably from the military days, I would imagine. But I definitely have that side of myself for sure, and I do thrive in that environment. But at the end of the day, you got to evolve, you got to keep moving forward and these days I identify more with yellow.
Speaker 1:Yellow is the first stage where you can integrate everything else, where you can see everything, where you can truly understand where other people are coming from. Because here's the deal no one can skip any stages. We all go through them. Some of us go through them slower than others. Some of us get stuck in certain stages. Like just being realistic with myself, I'm probably stuck at yellow.
Speaker 1:I'll probably never make it to teal. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try, but on some level I feel like yellow is the first stage where you can speak to everyone and understand all the different stages they're in, where teal is almost like a Buddhist monk really. So I really don't know if I ever want to get to teal, because that means I really I feel like at yellow. If you're yellow, you can connect with people on a level that a teal simply would not be able to connect with people on. So I get that, it's all you know. Yellow and teal are both integrative and I get that.
Speaker 1:But I want to keep trying. I want to keep trying to connect with people. I don't want to rise above everyone to a point that, at teal, I just wouldn't be able to be of the world. You know, I already feel like I'm not. I already feel like I'm in the world and not of it. I don't want to completely feel like I'm just above the world. That would be a very lonely place, I think really, and that's where, you know, the tribalism comes into play.
Speaker 1:But anyways, that being said so, if you're not familiar with spiral dynamics, I highly recommend looking into it. It's one of the best models I've found for understanding why people think the way they do and why certain conversations always seem to hit a wall. I've talked about it before and I probably have episodes I should record about it, but, in short, it's a way of looking at human development that explains why people get stuck in certain worldviews, why they resist change and why some can step back and see the whole system, while others are trapped in their own narratives. Understanding it has changed the way I approach these conversations and if this episode resonates with you, it might do the same for you. But anyway, back off the tangent.
Speaker 1:So if you're stuck in blue, you demand rules. If you're in orange, you optimize for success. If you're in green, you reject hierarchy and push for equality. But if you're in yellow, you see the whole board. You see that people are trapped in perspectives they can't escape. You see that both men and women are reacting instead of responding. You see that this problem isn't about one gender or one sex versus another gender or sex. It's about a system that keeps us disconnected and convinced. We can't trust each other.
Speaker 1:And if you're truly at yellow, you stop blaming, you stop resenting, you stop letting other people's reactions define your reality, because the truth is, connection isn't dead. It's just buried under layers of defensiveness, fear and resentment. The only question left is who's actually willing to dig it back up? Final thoughts Look, this is real, this is raw and this is going to hit home. For the people who need it. It may also get some pushback, that's fine. The people, the people who need it. It may also get some pushback, that's fine. The people who matter will hear it. And the people who don't? Well, they were really never part of the audience. Anyway, have a great day, thank you.
